Beers for the Pioneers

Here's a bit of topical humor From Bill Frost's column The Ocho in the current issue of the Salt Lake City Weekly.

Eight new local commemorative microbrews arriving just in time for Pioneer Day 2010:

8. End of Days Pale Ale: No aftertaste (but there is afterlife), dry-hopped for the apocalypse and filtered through the tears of Glenn Beck.

7. Gary Herbert Hefe: A flavorless, predictable, ultimately forgettable wheat beer best served before Nov. 2, 2010.

6. Immigration Amber Ale: An undocumented, medium-bodied ale that takes the jobs no other beers want (unavailable in Arizona).

5. Chevron Stout: A dark (black, actually), thick stout with a petroleum-slick finish, served chilled and/or spilled.

4. Birther Brau: A crisp, suspicious lager with Hawaiian and Kenyan malts that may or may not have been brewed in this country. Tank certificate not available upon request.

3. Hipster Pils: A lukewarm, light beer best drunk through an ironic mustache (real or tattooed on finger), painstakingly brewed to taste exactly like a PBR tallboy.

2. Lonsberry Lager: In remembrance of recently-canceled “local” talk-radio host Bob Lonsberry, a flat lager with an anticlimactic finish.

1. City Weekly “Sorry” Seasonal: The beer we’ll be buying for everybody inevitably pissed off about our “Coldest Beer” issue.

Speaking of City Weekly, still no updates on their planned Beer Festival on Sept 11th.

Cheers!