Friday, September 15, 2006

Cha-Ching!

If your reading this, you already know that Utah Beers are great and that we produce some top- notch suds here behind the zion curtain. That being said, a study released by the National Beer Wholesalers Association and The Beer Institute say, Utah generates three-quarters of a billion dollars each year and provides jobs for 10,670 Utahns, directly or indirectly. It also generates $255 million annually in wages and benefits. There's no doubt about Beer is big in Utah. And it's safe to say that the state's economy would be delt a huge blow if the suds would ever cease to flow. (Hey, I made a ryme)
How the institute came by those numbers can be traced to its Web site, beerservesamerica.org. Although officials at the Utah Department of Alcoholic Beverage Commission - which regulates and enforces Utah's liquor laws - could not confirm the institute's numbers, they do estimate that the state has collected nearly $12.5 million in beer excise taxes this year alone. I'm personally responsible for approx. $3.2 million of that(don't tell my wife).

Thursday, September 14, 2006

New Brew in Zion

I'm back. After a four-month-long summer hiatus Utah Beer is back! Depending on your point of view that either good or bad(mostley bad). I don't know if it's the impending Great American Beer Festival, or that i've only been at work for an hour and a half and I already need a beer(probibly the latter). But I was drawn to you. Like a... ahh... yeast critters to sugar(like you could have done better).
Yet, I degress.
One nice thing about taking the summer off, is that it has provided a fat cache of topics for me to spew forth to the thirsty and beer impaired. And also to give those who just need a little sumpin-sumpin to help get they're lips smackin'.
One note worthy event over the summer was the opening of Zion Canyon Brewing Company. ZCBC is located just outside of Zion National Park in Springdale, Ut. It opened last june and fetures four handcrafted full grain beer styles. An Amber Ale, an IPA, an ESB and a Jamaican Style Lager. ZCBC will be offering other styles in the future, including seasonal beers.
All four labels will be bottled and distributed throughout Southern Utah, and all four will be available on tap in the ZCBC pub. They'll also be kegging their Springdale Amber Ale and hopfully they'll get it distributed up north so we can more easily sample it. Zion Canyon Brewing Company is a 2,500-barrel/year operation owned and operated by Dale and Derek Harris. The brothers grew up in nearby Rockville, and for years have planned to open a microbrewery in Zion Canyon.
-photo courtesy Deseret Morning News

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Got Beer?

Our Ale drinking cousins across the pond continue to guide us all from the darkness and spread the light of beer upon our wonder blue sphere. New research shows that the alcohol in beer appears to suppress the hormones that promote bone loss. And researchers say it may have a better effect on preventing bone loss than calcium.
studies have shown that silicon found in beer can help strengthen bones. New research by scientists at King's College and St Thomas' Hospitals in London, tested groups of healthy volunteers aged between 18 and 50.
The participants were given a variety of beers with different alcoholic strengths, including non-alcoholic. Results showed that over a six-hour period, the ethanol in the beer appeared to block various hormones that lead to weaker bones. The findings are expected to be published later this year.
Professor Jonathan Powell, who led the study, said: "This is a very interesting finding. Everyone knows that calcium inhibits bone loss but we found that the ethanol in beer has the same, if not better, effect."
Ok, so they're saying getting shit-faced on beer on a daily basis isn't going to turn you into The Thing(Fantasic Four) , although i guess it may make you feel like it... Anyway, moderation of course is the key. This is a good time to be a beer lover. Hops are fighting cancer and alcohols are strenthening bones. Mmm beeer...

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Christ, I've Had Enough!


It's getting late, we've had a few too many IPA's and we're starting to look like Ernest Borgnine after a three day bender with Sammy Hagar in a long shoreman’s titty-bar... Jesus? are you there? if you can hear us, we need your help. Where do we go after last call? Not 'last call' as in "you don't have to go home but you can't stay here" last call. I mean like... Bambi's Mother 'last call'. I'm a thirty-something man (not for long) and i'm starting to ponder the usual hereafter concepts, like my own going out of business sale. Not so much in a Dionne Warwick sort of way, but as a means to face the inevitable, eternal, uber-hibernation way. I know people say life begins at forty. Yeah, if you're fucking Conor McCloud of the clan McCloud. But, you know, the rest of us are trying to make sense out of the indecipherable gibberish of everyone else's best guess as to what awaits us behind curtain number 3 in Monty Hall's game show of oblivion. Do we go up into the sky and get wings? Let me get this out right now, I don't need wings. I'm one Wookie-assed son-of-a-bitch. Can you just see my hairy ass with a pair of pearly, unsullied dorsal wings? I'd look like a cross between a Shih Tzu and a pie-eyed pigeon. Ya, makes me shudder too. Or are we just chex mix for worms and grubs. I would like to believe that when I die, I will be able to go up to the Pearly Gates, be greeted by St. Peter and he would say "your blog blows yeti penus" which would still be nice, because at least I would have thoughts to ponder. Like, why is St. Peter such a dick. I would just like to say please don't philosophize while drinking, no fucking good can come from it. Exept, maybe an answer to the question, how did Melissa Ethridge's partner get her pregnant? Mmm... that’s good liquored-up philosophize'n.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

My Own "Semi-Private" Idaho

Just thought i'd throw out a quick reminder about the upcoming Mountain Brewers Fest. Aaahh... don't forget about the Mountain Brewers Fest. What? you were expecting some kind of all-inclusive, instructive packet? Well forget it!!! My ass is too drained and overworked to deal with your pissy, shriveled-assed needs. What about me? This shit aint easy. Do you know how hard it is being a celebrated award winning beer journalist? Do you know what it's like living in your own semi-private Idaho?(exept being 200 miles south and not actually being in Idaho) Well I do. Sort of... Anyway, i'm leaving. I've gone to live with the beer hippies in the forests of the Northwest.
Good bye forever. Mikey.
P.S. Honey,I never got a chance to return that sweater your mom gave me for Christmas. Umm, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the thirty day return limit but umm… I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Umm.. It's actually not a horrible sweater. It's... It's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it you know? being in the forest and all. Oh, I also left a button on the bureau. I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know that as soon as I do I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll… Wait a minute, could it be from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm… Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again, goodbye forever.
P.P.S. You know, it might be a little chilly in Oregon, I'm actually going to take the sweater. I'll see you in all Idaho Falls on June 3rd.
P.P.P.S. If you watch Family Guy it all makes sence.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Utah Beer Holds It's own

Every Two years, Breweries from around the world gather to compete in the most prestigious beer competion in the world. 85 beer-style categories were awarded last friday during the World Beer Cup Gala Awards Ceremony in Seattle, Wash. Utah brewers stacked up an impressive stack of hardware, aquirering seven medals. Two bronze, four silver and one gold. Only six other states had better medal counts. So, get your collective lazy asses over to one of our award winning brewpubs/breweries and congratulate your local Sudsmeisters.
Here is a list of the medal winners.

Squatters Pub Brewery
Victory Altbier
Bronze

Uinta Brewing Co.
Cutthroat Pale Ale
Bronze.

Redrock Brewing Co.
Nut Brown Ale
Silver

Redrock Brewing Co.
Roggen Rock
Silver

Squatters Pub Brewery
Emigration Amber Ale
Silver

Utah Brewers Cooperative
Evolution Amber
Silver

Utah Brewers Cooperative
Squatters IPA
Gold

By the Way, I can't Pimp this Beer enough. If you havn't tried Squatter's IPA, do so now! This India Pale Ale is without-a-doubt one of the best beers made in the world. True to the classic IPA style. There's no reason why these shouldn't be flying off the shelves. Slainte!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Beer Geek Game

The other night I was hang'n out at the Bayou (I know honey, big surprise) and I had the pleasure of meeting a couple of nice guys who brought a board game to the bar. (Sorry Guys I sorta tied-one-on that night and forgot your names). Normally I would stay clear of people who bring board games to bars, but this one was kinda intriguing. Called Brewmaster, the object of the game is to brew the best beer and win awards for them. The player with the most awards at the end wins. Using mechanics similar to rummy, players combine cards to brew six beer styles including ale, stout and Belgian. In doing so players will use some of the 90 cards representing real beer ingredients. The game is influenced heavily by event cards, which players draw after brewing beer. The event deck represents some of the real triumphs and tragedies that have taken place in the microbrewery world. The game is great for two to five players and generally takes less than an hour to play. No beer knowledge is necessary, as this is not a trivia or drinking game. Indeed it is the perfect game for settings involving beer and non-beer fans alike.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Layered Beers

For years, lovers beer have enjoyed a concoction known as a black and tan. A mix of Guiness Stout & Bass Ale. When correctly prepared, the "black" beer mysteriously floats atop the underlying "tan" beer without mixing, distinctively capturing the attributes of both beers in the same glass. Recently, it has become popular to combine beers into new and interesting combonations as people invent their own layered beers.
Nearly as old as the black & Tan is the Half & Half. Made with Guiness' Stout & Harp Lager. Around town I've seen and tried a few interesting combos, such as "The Dirty Hoe". A stack of Hoegaarden Wit and Lindemans Framboise. One of the better combos i've tried is Chocolate Stout mixed with a Raspberry Lambic. I don't know what it's called, but trust me. It's a great pairing. I even came up with one myself, but it seems I was the only one who liked it. I call it 'The Marble Rye'. I ordered a Roggen Rock (Red Rock's Rye) stacked with Guiness. Mmm... Beerlicious. If you've got a fav tell us about it, or if you've got real fucked up sence of taste, toss it out there for laughs and ridicule. Slainte.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Spring Heat Spiced Wheat

There's a new offering out from Anheuser-Busch. Spring Heat Spiced Wheat is an unfiltered Belgian-style wheat ale, which is naturally cloudy. Brewed with orange, lemon and lime peels, coriander, two-row barley and wheat malts. Hops are a blend of Cascade, Willamette and Hallertau hops. We got to try it on our St. Patty's Day Bar Crawl and I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. I'm not a huge fan of most AB products. When sampling this, I was in the dark as to the who the brewer of this beer was, so there was no bias on my part for a change. It had a hazy yellow appearance, with a nice white head. A very fresh, zesty nose with a taste that was mostly lemon peel and a small amount of hoppiness in the end. It reminds me of a citrusy Blue Moon. This is a seasonal that's only available through May. Too bad, It would make a good summer quencher. We tried ours at Murphy's and Port o' Call. And I believe it's only available on tap. Slainte!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

I think I'm Being Watched

I couple months ago I wrote a blog on measuring Alcohol by Weight vs. Alcohol by Volume called 3.2% I don't think so. I thought it would be more of a talker than it was, oh well. Anyway one of my co-workers said I should check out the Salt Lake Tribune there's a cool story about Utah's beer myths. I was suprised to find many of the blogs topics apear in this one article. Interesting. I've got my eye on you Trib...

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

A New Name and Focus for the Blues & Brews

A buddy of mine told me that Salt Lake City was cancelling the Blues and Brews Festival for this year. This made me want to cry. The B&B has been a cozy island of sanity in this somewhat insane state. As it turns out, my friend was half-right. The Blues and Brews Fest has long been the Gallavin Centers largest event of the year. Offering some of the finest beers from around the area. However, this year They're doing some revamping. The Blues and Brews is changing it's name to the Salt Lake City Brewers' Festival! The orginizers have completely revised the focus to "beer and just beer". There will still be music, vendor booths, etc, but this new event will be all about the beer. It's also possible that there will be a competition and brewer’s will be awarded medals in a variety of categories. The Salt lake City Brewers' Festival is on the calendar for Saturday, September 16 from 2 to 10 pm. Bravo! This the direction local beer enthusiasts have long encouraged. Slante mhath!

Beer Down, Liquor Up

Experts in the adult beverage industry say more people in Utah are opting for more wine and spirits and putting aside they're bottles and cans of beer.
When the Legislature increased the tax on beer by $1.80 to $12.80 for each 31-gallon barrel in 2003, the state’s revenue from beer sales taxes began dropping. In 2003, the state earned more than $10.3 million in beer taxes. By 2005, it dropped to $8.9 million, according to the Utah Tax Commission. Over the same span, the state’s 13 percent sales tax on wine and liquor increased revenues from $15.7 million to $18.1 million. The tax increase on beer came at a time when beer sales nationwide showed little or no growth, according to the National Beer Wholesalers Association. Utah has one of the highest beer taxes in the nation. Utah charges 41 cents in taxes per gallon of beer. By comparison, Wyoming charges 2 cents per gallon. So basically, they increased the beer tax so the state could incease it's revenue and the exact opposite has happened. Thanks for nut'n.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Moab Brewery


Day two of 'get to know your beer' has us at Moab Brewery. Starting with Black Raven Oatmeal Stout. Poured a thin ruby hued brown with an thin ivory colored foam. The nose had a nice mild roasty edge with a sweet oat platform and vanilla notes. The taste started with a nice coffee-esque roastiness that lingers a while before fading to an oaty sweetness that drys out slowly. This was pretty good, not too rich or thick, but tasty non the less. It's a great little stout but is missing some of the styles deeper chacteristics as far as the body goes. Drinkability is high and at 4.0 ABV you can drink em' all night.

Dead Horse Amber Ale: Poured a clear orangish-yellow with a thin off-white head. The nose was fruity, sweet and dry like apples or peaches with a wisper of piney sting. The taste was moderately sweet with tones of dark orange and mild cascade hops giving a nudge of citrus and spice. The finish was a bit bland. I was hoping for more "bite".

Derailleur Ale: Poured a dark ruby - copper tinted color with a finger of dark ivory foam. The nose was moslty malts with some caramel, slight roasted tones and darker breads. Beneth were notes of grassy hops and herbal spices. The taste started with a good amount of finely roasted, whole grain bread, buttery and nutty caramel with a mild hop spice and bite near the finish. The finish lingers with a dried out caramel roasty twinge. A pretty good offering. One to come back to for sure.

Elephant Hill Hefeweizen: Poured a thin, hazy straw color with a puffy, thin, white head. The nose had a meager amount of lemon and a touch of yeast sweetness and wheat character. The taste started with biscut, some tangy, wheaty sweetness and yeast. There's a light bitter quality throughout which adds a nice balance to the brew. This was a nice, enjoyable, light bodied, American style Hef.

Lizard Light Ale: Poured a semi cloudy yellow orange color with a thick sandy white head. The nose was bready and tart like apples. The taste started with toasted wheat and a tart yeastiness. The end was citrusy with a little hop bite. The finish was floury and full of cereals. A nice combination of light citrus and full bodied wheat.

Park City Pilsener: Poured a clear straw yellow with a thin, firm, white, foamy cap. The nose was nice and clean. Freshly hopped with a pleasing leafy tone and crispy biscuit malt underneath with a subtle sweetness. The taste followed suit with nice crisp, clean flavors of pale biscuit malts and a nice fresh hop profile providing a nice grab. The finish was crisp and pleasant to the tongue. A very nice pilsner.

Park City Steamer: Poured a dark golden bronze color with a nice off-white head of tight foam. The nose was dry with bready maltyness, a bit of floral hops. The taste was quite nice. Starting with a great balance of malts with a short sweet bread notion, hops mildly enter with grasses and dull floralness, a bit earthy. Feel stays wet and loose with a light creamy dryness. This is an interesting take on a steam beer. Most breweries let the lager yeast and Northern Brewer hops meld to create the main flavor characteristics. Moab has brought out more of the malt character in this steam beer. Exellent!

Scorpion Pale Ale: Poured a clear amber/copper color with a finger of ivory head.The nose had a nice cedar hop aroma with some roasted caramel and crispy biscuit underneath. The taste was started with toasty whole grains, biting hop resins with cedar wood tones, dry leaves and grasses, malts too, are sharp and earthy, warming biscuity tones that are slightly burnt mix well with an overall woodish tone to the hop profile. Fresh and toasty. Quite a nice treat from middle to finish. At 4%ABV this can be a great sessionable beer.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Bohemian Brewery

There's been a bit of a drought as far as local beer news goes. So, I thought I'd do some reviews. These are just my opinions. Good or Bad I still 'have the breweries back'.
First is the Bavarian Weiss. Poured a hazy yellow color with a fine white head. The nose was very wheaty. The taste was spicey with hops and had a definate wheat character. The finish had a sulfer harshness to it. This weiss was lagered, which doesn't do this beer any favors. The sulfur taste wasn't enjoyable, more importantly there's none of the creaminess that you would expect from hef or wheat ale.

Cherny Bock: Poured a very dark chocolate brown with a thick tan head. The nose was full of roasted malt, dark fruits with a pleasant nuttiness. The taste started with a deep roasted malt taste, then a dark nuttiness with minor raspberry notes beneth. The end was nicely balanced with an easy piney hop bite at the end. If I had not been told this was a Bock I would have thought it was a Porter or a Stout. That's not a bad thing. This was actually a very good, tasty beer even; if it's not very Bock-like. I really love this stuff and with a ABV of 4.0 I could drink it all night. Exellent!

Czech Pilsener: Poured a brilliant gold with a large white head. The nose was grainy with a bit o' honey and a crisp floral zip. The flavor was stong with floral hops over a lightly toasted malt bed. The finish was crisp and dry with a slight hop bite. Bohemian Brewery has built a true-to-taste Czech-style pilsener. I was very impressed with the palatability of this beer.

Viennese Lager: Poured a golden amber color with a nice white head. The nose was sweet with caramel and banana. The flavor had a nice balance of sweet caramel malts and stong piney hops. The finish was slightly grassy and dry. Not a bad Viennese, the finish was a bit harsh though

Friday, February 24, 2006

Moo Better Brews

Utah Counties worst nightmare has been realized. Beer and ice cream, packaged together in a handy-dandy little paper pint. Those dope smok'n (alegelly) hippies from vermont have come up with yet another original ice cream to pacify your endorphin production as you veg on Dr. Phil. Ben & Jerry's Black & Tan takes on the long known notion of mixing stouts with ice cream. Traditionally a stout float is two scoops of vanilla ice cream with you favorite stout. They're twist on the old favorite is, Cream Stout ice cream swirled with chocolate ice cream. Beware Utah County, the Rapture is upon you!!!

Monday, February 20, 2006

Bye-Bye Black Beer

A very sad thing thing is about to happen. Beamish & Crawford makers of Beamish Irish Stout quietly decided earlier this year to pull the plug on Beamish exports to America. The Irish Brewery says it plans to concentrate on sales of it's Newcastle Brown Ale. It will also axe U.S. exports of John Courage Amber Lager and McEwan's IPA. The companies McEwan's Scotch Ale, is still alive and well. As it's one of their better sellers in the states. Why is this sad? There aren't many real Irish Stouts available around town. Most of the Guiness consumed in the states is made domestically. Murphy's Irish Stout, is made in Ireland, but owned by Heineken. That leaves us with Beamish. It's the only real Irish Stout available in town, and it will probibly dissapear from pubs in town by the end of the year. If you havn't tried it, do so soon. If you like it get your fill, while you can. We bearly knew ye....

Friday, February 17, 2006

Mountain Brewers Fest

Utah's best beer festival is back!!! Well... actually it's Idaho's, but we Utahns love it just as well. If you've never attended this festival, you've really missed out. It's located in Idaho Falls, a quick three hours from SLC and will host 80+ brewers from the western states and beyond. This is an outdoor event held beneath giant tents with tons of food and music. This is a one day event, scheduled for June 4, 2005 at Sandy Downs (the city's horse track and rodeo grounds) and will run from noon to 6 pm. Click on the title for a link to their site.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

We Are Not Alone

I like a good cigar now and then, but I wouldn't consider myself a smoker. To be honest, I hate cigarettes. I hate going to the pub or club, then going home hours later, saturated with the stench of cheap, chemicaly treated tobacco. So, I guess i'm for the ban. Well I guess we're in good company for a change. British lawmakers voted by a huge margin on Tuesday to ban smoking in every pub, club and indoor public space in England.
The law will now pass to the unelected upper House of Lords, where it is also expected to pass. If so, it will become law by mid-2007.
Ireland banned smoking in restaurants, pubs and workplaces in 2004, and six countries imposed bans on smoking of varying severity in 2005. But these counties don't opperate under a private club system. If they do away with smoking then this whole 'private club' thing is a farce and should be eliminated all over the state. Because it appears there's nothing private about them.

St. Valentine's Day Beers

Dear Dumbass, I need a gift idea for my gal Lerlene.
She has more refined tastes than me and she said she'd leave my 'ape drape' wearing ass if I repeated the pork wrind/Bud Light debocle of '05. Can your wookie ass help???

Dear Ape Drape, my "wookie ass' is at your disposal(wait, that didn't sound right). Although pork wrinds are an exellent form of protein, your squeeze should be getting it from somewhere else today. That being said, women do love their chocolate. And fruit is a much healthier option than fried pig hide (i think). So, my advise to you would be to find a nice chocolate stout or porter like Rooster's or Rouge's Chocolate stouts. Combine them with a nice plate of fresh raspberries. Voila! your ass is out of hock and your cousin love may resume.
-Dumbass

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Deja Brew

Are there any Corona swillers in the house? I don't normally drink it... maybe a few, during the summer, or when vacationing south of the border. Well, if you are a fan, you may have noticed the very subtle migration of Corona Extra from the State Liquor Stores, to your local convenience/grocery stores. It used to be that if you wanted a Corona, and there wasn't liquor store near-by, you settled for the watered down Corona Light from the local "Gas 'n Sip". Well, for the most part CL brand has gone the way of Brigham Young's Distillery (yes, he owned one) and replaced with the marque brand.
But, did you know the differences between the two were very minute. Corona Extra weighs in in at a hefty 4.6%abv. Corona Light 4.0%abv. So, since the king is dead. Long live the king! Even though his rule has been somewhat lessend.
So, I wanted to through it out there. Is a 0.6% deficit enough, to make you drive to Wyoming or Nevada for "Full Strength Coroana". Fuck No! and... do you even give a rats fart???

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Adventures in SLC

My new pal and Philly beer geek, Brendan recently shared the adventures of he, and his mates in the land of Zion. Here's an exerp from his Blog 'Brendan Calling from the Underground"
Check out his Blog. He seems harmless enough. The photo above is a reenactment of they're visit.

We played in Salt Lake City, as boring a fucking place as I have ever been. all the beer in Utah is half-strength, and the state makes it so hard to go to a regular bar that there's hardly any point in going out anyway.
Ah yes, that low alcohol beer.... We were done with our part of the show when we heard the news about the beer. To make up for the low alcohol content, Boogie began to drink twice as much beer as anyone else, following it with hard liquor, which is sold at full-strength in Utah. The result was that he hit Defcon 5, and was helped out the the van where he passed out in the front seat. It had begun to rain, and we had a long drive ahead of us: there is no straight shot from Salt Lake City to Denver, and it's a LONG drive that cuts through Utah's mountains northeast into Wyoming, crosses that flat state and then heads south through the Rickies into Colorado. "With this rain you better get a move on," said one of the guys helping us to load out. "If it's raining here, you can bet it's snow squalls in the mountains." I crawled into the back seat of the van to get some sleep. Jack was driving.
I guess it was about 1:00 AM when we pulled over to get gas and I heard Jack and Jamie yelling. "Jesus fucking Christ, what's wrong with you... put that away, put that away..." and something about pee. Great, I thought. Boogie fucking wet himself. With this thought in mind, I fell back asleep. Around 3:00 AM, Jamie gave me a poke. "Dude, get up. It's my turn to get some sleep." Reluctantly I traded places with him. Boogie was still passed out in the front seat, so I sat behind Jack, talking periodically to keep him awake. I peered out the window into the black, and all I could see was flatland. I smoked some more pot, dipping into a $60 bag of Mexican dirtweed my friend Phil had gotten me in Arizona. Jack pulled over and napped for twenty minutes or so, then began driving again. After an hour or two, the sky began to grow pale in the east. Watching a sunrise is a lot different than watching a sunset. Both are beautiful in their own way, but I usually prefer sunset. Usually when I'm seeing a sunrise, it's because I never went to bed to begin with, and there's something rock-bottom about that. I was able to see more out the windows: western Wyoming is flat and empty, great brown fields that stretch far and wide.

It must have been about 5:00 or 6:00 AM when the sun began to rise over the hills, and the sky changed from light purple to baby-blue, streaked with clouds that reflected the earliest of early morning light. I had developed a nice hemorrhoid on tour, and my asshole was itching like crazy. I was shifting in my seat when I noticed in this twilight hour that one of my CDs was sitting on the dashboard, out of its case. "Motherfucker," I muttered. "It's not enough that you fuckers broke the cd player I brought on tour, now you can't put my goddamn cd back in the case? What the fuckin' fuck?" I reached for the disk, "You fucking assh--- what's THAT?"
Both of the dashboard cupholders were filled with liquid.
"You didn't hear?" asked Jack.
All of a sudden, things clicked into place. "Ummm... did Boogie.. uhh?"
"Oh yes," Jack replied. "All over everything."
"Oh my God," I moaned. "I heard something but I tried to sleep through it. I thought he had just wet himself."
"No, not exactly," said Jack. What had happened, he related, was that Boogie had sort of awoken from his stupor at the gas station. "No that's not right... he AROSE," said Jack. In a complete blackout, Boogie had unzipped his pants, taken out his penis, and peed on the dashboard, in the cupholders, on the floor of the van, on Jamie's hats, and on Jack himself. The only reason the van didn't smell like piss was that Boog had drunk SO much beer that his urine was largely water. I dropped back in my seat, stunned and disgusted. The sun still hadn't quite crept over the horizon. We drove in silence for another 20 minutes before Jack pulled over behind a dozen tractor trailers along the highway and shut his eyes for a nap. Two crows perched themselves on a dumpster next to us and began eating garbage. I was the only one awake. I had to pee so I got out of the van, and hopped over the barbed wire fence into a field partially covered in snow. I'm a little on the modest side, so I walked out of view of the highway beginning to fill up with morning traffic. As I stood in the still, frigid air draining my bladder on the frozen dirt, I watched the first golden rays light up the east. That's pillar one of our demise.

I bet they wish they'd read my rant on ABW vs. ABV. Thanks again to Brendan for letting me use his words.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Leffe Blonde Abby Ale

There's a great treat available at the Bayou for a short time. Mark scored a couple of cases of Leffe Blonde Abby Ale. It's not normaly available in slc. This shipment made it's way here for The Sundance Film Festival. This is a nice ale. It reminds me of a low alcohol Belgium Tripple. The nose is of sweet malts, candi sugar, pear, spicey yeast and clove. The taste starts honey-esque with fruits, strong yeast and spice, with a lightly hopped peppery/floral finish. I'm a "brunette" guy, but I'll drop my droors for this blondie anytime.

Here's to Beer

If you were watching the Super Bowl last Sunday, you may have noticed a commercial that featured different cultures "saluting" with beer. This wasn't an ad for one particular brand in general. It was put out buy the beer industry. It's a campaign to give beer the same respectable image that wine has long enjoyed in the US. They will be encouraging food pairings and the finer aspects of beer. It's a great educational site. Click above for the link.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Other Stupid Liquor Laws

Utah is home to some pretty fucked-up liquor laws, as we all know. Here are are some equally fucked-up laws, from other, equally, fucked-up states. Suddenly, we don't look so bad...

In California it's illeagal for producers of alcohol beverages to list the names of retailers or restaurants that sell their products in advertising or even in newsletters. Also, no alcohol beverages can be displayed within five feet of a cash register of any store in California that sells both alcohol and motor fuel.

A person can be sent to jail for five years for merely sending a bottle of beer, wine or spirits as a gift to a friend in Kentucky. (sorry Jethro)

Maryland law, now requires that alcohol beverage writers be certified as experts, by an agency of the state before they can receive product samples, which it limits to three bottles per brand.

In Missouri, anyone under the age of 21 who takes out household trash containing even a single empty alcohol beverage container can be charged with illegal possession of alcohol in Missouri.

If a law enforcement officer is having a drink, in a bar, in Iowa. And an employee pours water down the drain, the water is legally considered an alcohol beverage intended for unlawful purposes. (huh?) Also, running a "tab" in Iowa is illegal as well. Don't go anywhere, there's more... An owner or employee of an establishment in Iowa that sells alcohol can't legally consume a drink there after closing for business.

In Connecticut, pharmasits must pay $400.00 each year for a license, in order to use alcohol in compounding prescriptions. (what a scam!)

The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas. Why? because it contains a recipe for making beer that can be used at home. Also, (I hope your all sitting down) Texas state law prohibits taking more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.

In Indiana, it's illegal for liquor stores to sell milk or cold soft drinks. They can, however, sell uinrefrigerated soft drinks.

Nebraska state law prohibits bars from selling beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup... I'm speachless.

North Dakota law, prohibits serving beer and pretzels at the same time in any bar or restaurant. That's just wrong!

Here's more from the great "state" of Texas, beer many not be purchased after midnight on Sunday, but can be purchased anytime on Monday...which happens to begin right after midnight on Sunday! So, it's illegal to buy it... when its legal to buy it?

Colorado law requires that wine be sold in containers of at least 24 ounces and spirits in containers at least a fifth of a gallon. But, at the same time, it also decrees that no alcohol beverage can be stored in hotel minibars in anything larger than miniature containers.

Ohio state law prohibits getting a fish drunk. Faciasts!!!

In Alaska, it's illegal to give a moose any booze. That explains alot about Bullwinkle.

It's illegal to sit on any street curb in St. Louis, Missouri, and drink beer from a bucket.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Just Ask Dumbass

A new Questions & Answer section has been added to Utah Beer. "JUST ASK DUMBASS" is a brand-new tool, utilizing the most advanced and sofisticated brain known to modern man. Us it as a resourse to probe for all beer and Utah beer related knowledge. And be assured, that all data spewed-forth from my divine pie-hole is accurate and true. Why? because I said so.
First question???

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

POOR RICHARDS ALE

Founding Father and beer lover Benjamin Franklin, Turned 300 years old last January 17th. Happy Birthday Ben! To celebrate this fine day two award-winning brewers with ancestral ties to Benjamin Franklin joined with the Benjamin Franklin Tercentenary Commission and others to select a recipe for Poor Richard’s Ale—a beer for Americans nationwide to hoist on 1/17/06. I know, I know. I'm a week late. I just didn't think that it anyone in state would be making it. I was wrong. Mark Alston from The Bayou informed me that The Wasatch Brewpub in Park City produced a 4.0%abv version and from what I understand it's only available up there. I havn't tried it yet. Mark has, his reaction was mixed. Has anyone had a chance to get up there and try it? Is anyone making it at home? Let us know.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Never Mind

I got a letter today from two, very upset girls, that hail from SLC. They informed me that they put all of they're 'my pretty pony money' down on a Bronco win over the weekend. Little Babette (left) and Gurtrude (right) said. "Due to the overwelming logic of the formula we thought it was a sure thing." The formula that they're refering to is, beer+city=win. "This Mikey 'guy' is a piece of shit! What kind of person authors such inordinate and outrageous crap, for our young and impretionable minds?" Well my dear, I did indead put finger to keyboard. But the real "piece of shit" is my drunken comrade Jerry. Who is the true mastermind behind 'beergate'. As promised. His address has been forwared to the enraged girls.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

IF FOOTBALL WAS BEER

Look at these two guys. They need a beer so bad, they're ready to start sucking on that football.
Actually, the guy on the left looks like he's about to make out with it. The soft, yet firm textues reminding him of a rondeveux that never was, beckoning him... Ah, sorry, I degress. You can't blame them. It's not a huge stretch of the imagination. Beer and football go together like... like prison and rape(too harsh?). Anyway, If you were planning on tossing some of your hard earned moola at your favorite bookey, here's a sure-fire way to ensure a profitable outcome. The equation is this, City+ Beer= Win. So, lets look at the cities in question and the brewing prowess therein. The first match-up: Denver/Pittsburg. Putting up Denver's best brews up against the Iron City's best. No contest, Denver wins hands down. Which really pisses me off!!! because I hate the fucking Broncos. Moving on to the NFC: Seattle/Charlotte. Again, no contest. Charlotte's "Brew Culture" makes Utah's look like Bavaria. The Northwest, is debatably the brewing mecca of North America. Hence, Seattle wins easily. Now we move to the Super Bowl. Two, very strong, beer loving communities. This is a very tough call that will have to be left to the domain of public opinion. After comparing two websites. Beeradvocate.com and Ratebeer.com. The ultimate winner looks like Denver by a narrow margin. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!! If you don't like the outcome (and i don't) don't blame me. Blame Jerry, my comrad in swill. He came up with this, last night over a couple.. three...ok, ten pints! So, blame him, and if you loose money. Let me know and I'll give you his Address. What an ass!!!

Monday, January 16, 2006

Rogue's Imperial India Pale Ale

If you like 'em big and hoppy and need a winter warmer, Rogue has your medicine. The I2PA is unfiltered and aged for 9 months. It has a tangerine color with a big, soapy head. The nose is full on blast of spruce, grapefruit and bitters. The taste starts with a hop explosion. Tons of piney, citrus flavors up front as well as some carmel sweetness. Intense bitterness comes up in the rear and leaves a dry, bitter aftertaste. Alcohol warms shortly after, leaving a spicy bitterness in the mouth. This is one of the most delicious beers i've ever had!
It comes in a 750 ml. black ceramic bottle, and packs a staggering 9.5% alcohol by volume. As far as I know it's only available at The Bayou. Be sure and bring pleanty of pennys it. It'll run you about $24.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Beer Poll Addendums

In response to Anonymous' "hell no" to the amber/pale category he/she is right. So, they are now they're own seperate categories. And since we're headed that way anyway, let's break up Hefs into German & American styles. There are not that many Belgium styles being made in the state. So, we will keep one category for all. Any other changes? Let me know. Feel free to adjust your picks according to the new categories.
I do have to disagree with Anonymous (you really need a nick). IPA Junior, is a great ale but it doesn't compare to Squatter's IPA and Uinta's Barleywine (espesially #10) walks all over Bigfoot.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

------------------BEST BEER POLL---------------

National, international and regional beer competions happen almost monthly. We get the results and we get to see how our local brews stack up against brews from all over. But as far as I know there's never been a contest or poll, to rate how our local stuff does against one and other. So, I thought I'd throw it out there. What's your favorite local brew? Choose your single favorite from of one of these eight styles. Hefs, Pils, Amber/Pales, IPA, Dark Lagers, Porters, Stouts and Belgiums. I know we could break-down the styles even more, but we'll try to keep it simple. So, choose one local from the catagories above, then your one outstanding out-of-state favorite. In 30 days we'll tally 'em up. Who know, maybe one day we can put together an official best of state beer. Cheers!

After all, you know this guy (is a biggot)

This is the look of a bewildered man. A man that created one hell of a shit storm. A shit storm that has, with in a few days; circled the entire globe. Monday, I did my best trying to narrow the great chasm that seperates the State of Utah, from the rest of the world. Now... a brief explanation alcohol measurments in the great galactic scheme of things is a pretty small attemp, but this is a bloody, beer blog for christ sake! Anyway, all that was done. Has been; so easily, undone. From New York, to Sydney, to London People are talking about the freaky, little, Mormon city in the mountains, that has no tolerance for anything outside of it's Neo-Christian values. Thanks to uncle Larry's, Brokeback Mountain about-face. We are now that twisted, little kid from the neighboorhood; that nobody one wants to play with, because he pees all over everyones toys (you know who you are).
This whole mess could have been avoided, had Miller paid more attention, to what his theater was taking on, when he contracted with Focus Features and not aquired the film in the first place. And we wouldn't be wasting valuable beer blogging time on stupid shit like this. This is the same guy who's tv station: KJZZ cancelled it's affiliation with UPN Television, because it's programing was too "black" for our fair skinned community. Christ, I need a beer.

Monday, January 09, 2006

3.2%? I DON'T THINK SO...

If you were to asked to associate anything with the state of Utah, the first thing to come to mind would most likely be Mormons. Followed closely by Polygamy and then 3.2% beer. The first-two do in fact exist, but the latter is up to interpretation.

There are two ways to measure the alcohol content in a beverage. By weight or by volume. Most of the world measures the amount of alcohol in beer by volume. However in Utah, our regulators prefer that alcohol be measured by weight. Why? who the hell knows.

Anyway, if you were to measure our 3.2% (by weight) beer in the same fashion as everyone else (by volume), they're really 4.0% beers. This percentage is in many cases just slightly less than the average alcohol content of most mainstream beers.

The graphic above, (courtesy Uinta Brewing) simplifies it nicely. Compare a pint of Bud Light (4.2%abv) with; let's say... Bohemian Breweries Pilsner (4.0%abv) the difference is 0.2% difference or 2 oz. more per glass. Not much.

Draught Guinness, one of the worlds most beloved beers comes in at a whopping 4.2% abv. I'm not saying that Utah's beers run neck-n-neck (alcohol wise) with the rest of the worlds beers. But, they aren't as weak as you might think.

One more thing. These rules only apply to beers on tap or purchased outside of state run liquor stores. Uinta makes a fantastic barley wine that comes in annually at around 10.5% abv.

To be clear. There is no limit on the amount of alcohol a beer can have in Utah. It's just a matter of where you can purchase it (liquor stores). Class is over.

Cheers!