Moo Better Brews

Utah Counties worst nightmare has been realized. Beer and ice cream, packaged together in a handy-dandy little paper pint. Those dope smok'n (alegelly) hippies from vermont have come up with yet another original ice cream to pacify your endorphin production as you veg on Dr. Phil. Ben & Jerry's Black & Tan takes on the long known notion of mixing stouts with ice cream. Traditionally a stout float is two scoops of vanilla ice cream with you favorite stout. They're twist on the old favorite is, Cream Stout ice cream swirled with chocolate ice cream. Beware Utah County, the Rapture is upon you!!!

Bye-Bye Black Beer

A very sad thing thing is about to happen. Beamish & Crawford makers of Beamish Irish Stout quietly decided earlier this year to pull the plug on Beamish exports to America. The Irish Brewery says it plans to concentrate on sales of it's Newcastle Brown Ale. It will also axe U.S. exports of John Courage Amber Lager and McEwan's IPA. The companies McEwan's Scotch Ale, is still alive and well. As it's one of their better sellers in the states. Why is this sad? There aren't many real Irish Stouts available around town. Most of the Guiness consumed in the states is made domestically. Murphy's Irish Stout, is made in Ireland, but owned by Heineken. That leaves us with Beamish. It's the only real Irish Stout available in town, and it will probibly dissapear from pubs in town by the end of the year. If you havn't tried it, do so soon. If you like it get your fill, while you can. We bearly knew ye....

Mountain Brewers Fest

Utah's best beer festival is back!!! Well... actually it's Idaho's, but we Utahns love it just as well. If you've never attended this festival, you've really missed out. It's located in Idaho Falls, a quick three hours from SLC and will host 80+ brewers from the western states and beyond. This is an outdoor event held beneath giant tents with tons of food and music. This is a one day event, scheduled for June 4, 2005 at Sandy Downs (the city's horse track and rodeo grounds) and will run from noon to 6 pm. Click on the title for a link to their site.

We Are Not Alone

I like a good cigar now and then, but I wouldn't consider myself a smoker. To be honest, I hate cigarettes. I hate going to the pub or club, then going home hours later, saturated with the stench of cheap, chemicaly treated tobacco. So, I guess i'm for the ban. Well I guess we're in good company for a change. British lawmakers voted by a huge margin on Tuesday to ban smoking in every pub, club and indoor public space in England.
The law will now pass to the unelected upper House of Lords, where it is also expected to pass. If so, it will become law by mid-2007.
Ireland banned smoking in restaurants, pubs and workplaces in 2004, and six countries imposed bans on smoking of varying severity in 2005. But these counties don't opperate under a private club system. If they do away with smoking then this whole 'private club' thing is a farce and should be eliminated all over the state. Because it appears there's nothing private about them.

St. Valentine's Day Beers

Dear Dumbass, I need a gift idea for my gal Lerlene.
She has more refined tastes than me and she said she'd leave my 'ape drape' wearing ass if I repeated the pork wrind/Bud Light debocle of '05. Can your wookie ass help???

Dear Ape Drape, my "wookie ass' is at your disposal(wait, that didn't sound right). Although pork wrinds are an exellent form of protein, your squeeze should be getting it from somewhere else today. That being said, women do love their chocolate. And fruit is a much healthier option than fried pig hide (i think). So, my advise to you would be to find a nice chocolate stout or porter like Rooster's or Rouge's Chocolate stouts. Combine them with a nice plate of fresh raspberries. Voila! your ass is out of hock and your cousin love may resume.
-Dumbass

Deja Brew

Are there any Corona swillers in the house? I don't normally drink it... maybe a few, during the summer, or when vacationing south of the border. Well, if you are a fan, you may have noticed the very subtle migration of Corona Extra from the State Liquor Stores, to your local convenience/grocery stores. It used to be that if you wanted a Corona, and there wasn't liquor store near-by, you settled for the watered down Corona Light from the local "Gas 'n Sip". Well, for the most part CL brand has gone the way of Brigham Young's Distillery (yes, he owned one) and replaced with the marque brand.
But, did you know the differences between the two were very minute. Corona Extra weighs in in at a hefty 4.6%abv. Corona Light 4.0%abv. So, since the king is dead. Long live the king! Even though his rule has been somewhat lessend.
So, I wanted to through it out there. Is a 0.6% deficit enough, to make you drive to Wyoming or Nevada for "Full Strength Coroana". Fuck No! and... do you even give a rats fart???

Adventures in SLC

My new pal and Philly beer geek, Brendan recently shared the adventures of he, and his mates in the land of Zion. Here's an exerp from his Blog 'Brendan Calling from the Underground"
Check out his Blog. He seems harmless enough. The photo above is a reenactment of they're visit.

We played in Salt Lake City, as boring a fucking place as I have ever been. all the beer in Utah is half-strength, and the state makes it so hard to go to a regular bar that there's hardly any point in going out anyway.
Ah yes, that low alcohol beer.... We were done with our part of the show when we heard the news about the beer. To make up for the low alcohol content, Boogie began to drink twice as much beer as anyone else, following it with hard liquor, which is sold at full-strength in Utah. The result was that he hit Defcon 5, and was helped out the the van where he passed out in the front seat. It had begun to rain, and we had a long drive ahead of us: there is no straight shot from Salt Lake City to Denver, and it's a LONG drive that cuts through Utah's mountains northeast into Wyoming, crosses that flat state and then heads south through the Rickies into Colorado. "With this rain you better get a move on," said one of the guys helping us to load out. "If it's raining here, you can bet it's snow squalls in the mountains." I crawled into the back seat of the van to get some sleep. Jack was driving.
I guess it was about 1:00 AM when we pulled over to get gas and I heard Jack and Jamie yelling. "Jesus fucking Christ, what's wrong with you... put that away, put that away..." and something about pee. Great, I thought. Boogie fucking wet himself. With this thought in mind, I fell back asleep. Around 3:00 AM, Jamie gave me a poke. "Dude, get up. It's my turn to get some sleep." Reluctantly I traded places with him. Boogie was still passed out in the front seat, so I sat behind Jack, talking periodically to keep him awake. I peered out the window into the black, and all I could see was flatland. I smoked some more pot, dipping into a $60 bag of Mexican dirtweed my friend Phil had gotten me in Arizona. Jack pulled over and napped for twenty minutes or so, then began driving again. After an hour or two, the sky began to grow pale in the east. Watching a sunrise is a lot different than watching a sunset. Both are beautiful in their own way, but I usually prefer sunset. Usually when I'm seeing a sunrise, it's because I never went to bed to begin with, and there's something rock-bottom about that. I was able to see more out the windows: western Wyoming is flat and empty, great brown fields that stretch far and wide.

It must have been about 5:00 or 6:00 AM when the sun began to rise over the hills, and the sky changed from light purple to baby-blue, streaked with clouds that reflected the earliest of early morning light. I had developed a nice hemorrhoid on tour, and my asshole was itching like crazy. I was shifting in my seat when I noticed in this twilight hour that one of my CDs was sitting on the dashboard, out of its case. "Motherfucker," I muttered. "It's not enough that you fuckers broke the cd player I brought on tour, now you can't put my goddamn cd back in the case? What the fuckin' fuck?" I reached for the disk, "You fucking assh--- what's THAT?"
Both of the dashboard cupholders were filled with liquid.
"You didn't hear?" asked Jack.
All of a sudden, things clicked into place. "Ummm... did Boogie.. uhh?"
"Oh yes," Jack replied. "All over everything."
"Oh my God," I moaned. "I heard something but I tried to sleep through it. I thought he had just wet himself."
"No, not exactly," said Jack. What had happened, he related, was that Boogie had sort of awoken from his stupor at the gas station. "No that's not right... he AROSE," said Jack. In a complete blackout, Boogie had unzipped his pants, taken out his penis, and peed on the dashboard, in the cupholders, on the floor of the van, on Jamie's hats, and on Jack himself. The only reason the van didn't smell like piss was that Boog had drunk SO much beer that his urine was largely water. I dropped back in my seat, stunned and disgusted. The sun still hadn't quite crept over the horizon. We drove in silence for another 20 minutes before Jack pulled over behind a dozen tractor trailers along the highway and shut his eyes for a nap. Two crows perched themselves on a dumpster next to us and began eating garbage. I was the only one awake. I had to pee so I got out of the van, and hopped over the barbed wire fence into a field partially covered in snow. I'm a little on the modest side, so I walked out of view of the highway beginning to fill up with morning traffic. As I stood in the still, frigid air draining my bladder on the frozen dirt, I watched the first golden rays light up the east. That's pillar one of our demise.

I bet they wish they'd read my rant on ABW vs. ABV. Thanks again to Brendan for letting me use his words.

Leffe Blonde Abby Ale

There's a great treat available at the Bayou for a short time. Mark scored a couple of cases of Leffe Blonde Abby Ale. It's not normaly available in slc. This shipment made it's way here for The Sundance Film Festival. This is a nice ale. It reminds me of a low alcohol Belgium Tripple. The nose is of sweet malts, candi sugar, pear, spicey yeast and clove. The taste starts honey-esque with fruits, strong yeast and spice, with a lightly hopped peppery/floral finish. I'm a "brunette" guy, but I'll drop my droors for this blondie anytime.

Here's to Beer

If you were watching the Super Bowl last Sunday, you may have noticed a commercial that featured different cultures "saluting" with beer. This wasn't an ad for one particular brand in general. It was put out buy the beer industry. It's a campaign to give beer the same respectable image that wine has long enjoyed in the US. They will be encouraging food pairings and the finer aspects of beer. It's a great educational site. Click above for the link.

Other Stupid Liquor Laws

Utah is home to some pretty fucked-up liquor laws, as we all know. Here are are some equally fucked-up laws, from other, equally, fucked-up states. Suddenly, we don't look so bad...

In California it's illeagal for producers of alcohol beverages to list the names of retailers or restaurants that sell their products in advertising or even in newsletters. Also, no alcohol beverages can be displayed within five feet of a cash register of any store in California that sells both alcohol and motor fuel.

A person can be sent to jail for five years for merely sending a bottle of beer, wine or spirits as a gift to a friend in Kentucky. (sorry Jethro)

Maryland law, now requires that alcohol beverage writers be certified as experts, by an agency of the state before they can receive product samples, which it limits to three bottles per brand.

In Missouri, anyone under the age of 21 who takes out household trash containing even a single empty alcohol beverage container can be charged with illegal possession of alcohol in Missouri.

If a law enforcement officer is having a drink, in a bar, in Iowa. And an employee pours water down the drain, the water is legally considered an alcohol beverage intended for unlawful purposes. (huh?) Also, running a "tab" in Iowa is illegal as well. Don't go anywhere, there's more... An owner or employee of an establishment in Iowa that sells alcohol can't legally consume a drink there after closing for business.

In Connecticut, pharmasits must pay $400.00 each year for a license, in order to use alcohol in compounding prescriptions. (what a scam!)

The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas. Why? because it contains a recipe for making beer that can be used at home. Also, (I hope your all sitting down) Texas state law prohibits taking more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.

In Indiana, it's illegal for liquor stores to sell milk or cold soft drinks. They can, however, sell uinrefrigerated soft drinks.

Nebraska state law prohibits bars from selling beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup... I'm speachless.

North Dakota law, prohibits serving beer and pretzels at the same time in any bar or restaurant. That's just wrong!

Here's more from the great "state" of Texas, beer many not be purchased after midnight on Sunday, but can be purchased anytime on Monday...which happens to begin right after midnight on Sunday! So, it's illegal to buy it... when its legal to buy it?

Colorado law requires that wine be sold in containers of at least 24 ounces and spirits in containers at least a fifth of a gallon. But, at the same time, it also decrees that no alcohol beverage can be stored in hotel minibars in anything larger than miniature containers.

Ohio state law prohibits getting a fish drunk. Faciasts!!!

In Alaska, it's illegal to give a moose any booze. That explains alot about Bullwinkle.

It's illegal to sit on any street curb in St. Louis, Missouri, and drink beer from a bucket.

Just Ask Dumbass

A new Questions & Answer section has been added to Utah Beer. "JUST ASK DUMBASS" is a brand-new tool, utilizing the most advanced and sofisticated brain known to modern man. Us it as a resourse to probe for all beer and Utah beer related knowledge. And be assured, that all data spewed-forth from my divine pie-hole is accurate and true. Why? because I said so.
First question???

POOR RICHARDS ALE

Founding Father and beer lover Benjamin Franklin, Turned 300 years old last January 17th. Happy Birthday Ben! To celebrate this fine day two award-winning brewers with ancestral ties to Benjamin Franklin joined with the Benjamin Franklin Tercentenary Commission and others to select a recipe for Poor Richard’s Ale—a beer for Americans nationwide to hoist on 1/17/06. I know, I know. I'm a week late. I just didn't think that it anyone in state would be making it. I was wrong. Mark Alston from The Bayou informed me that The Wasatch Brewpub in Park City produced a 4.0%abv version and from what I understand it's only available up there. I havn't tried it yet. Mark has, his reaction was mixed. Has anyone had a chance to get up there and try it? Is anyone making it at home? Let us know.

Never Mind

I got a letter today from two, very upset girls, that hail from SLC. They informed me that they put all of they're 'my pretty pony money' down on a Bronco win over the weekend. Little Babette (left) and Gurtrude (right) said. "Due to the overwelming logic of the formula we thought it was a sure thing." The formula that they're refering to is, beer+city=win. "This Mikey 'guy' is a piece of shit! What kind of person authors such inordinate and outrageous crap, for our young and impretionable minds?" Well my dear, I did indead put finger to keyboard. But the real "piece of shit" is my drunken comrade Jerry. Who is the true mastermind behind 'beergate'. As promised. His address has been forwared to the enraged girls.

IF FOOTBALL WAS BEER

Look at these two guys. They need a beer so bad, they're ready to start sucking on that football.
Actually, the guy on the left looks like he's about to make out with it. The soft, yet firm textues reminding him of a rondeveux that never was, beckoning him... Ah, sorry, I degress. You can't blame them. It's not a huge stretch of the imagination. Beer and football go together like... like prison and rape(too harsh?). Anyway, If you were planning on tossing some of your hard earned moola at your favorite bookey, here's a sure-fire way to ensure a profitable outcome. The equation is this, City+ Beer= Win. So, lets look at the cities in question and the brewing prowess therein. The first match-up: Denver/Pittsburg. Putting up Denver's best brews up against the Iron City's best. No contest, Denver wins hands down. Which really pisses me off!!! because I hate the fucking Broncos. Moving on to the NFC: Seattle/Charlotte. Again, no contest. Charlotte's "Brew Culture" makes Utah's look like Bavaria. The Northwest, is debatably the brewing mecca of North America. Hence, Seattle wins easily. Now we move to the Super Bowl. Two, very strong, beer loving communities. This is a very tough call that will have to be left to the domain of public opinion. After comparing two websites. Beeradvocate.com and Ratebeer.com. The ultimate winner looks like Denver by a narrow margin. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!! If you don't like the outcome (and i don't) don't blame me. Blame Jerry, my comrad in swill. He came up with this, last night over a couple.. three...ok, ten pints! So, blame him, and if you loose money. Let me know and I'll give you his Address. What an ass!!!

Rogue's Imperial India Pale Ale

If you like 'em big and hoppy and need a winter warmer, Rogue has your medicine. The I2PA is unfiltered and aged for 9 months. It has a tangerine color with a big, soapy head. The nose is full on blast of spruce, grapefruit and bitters. The taste starts with a hop explosion. Tons of piney, citrus flavors up front as well as some carmel sweetness. Intense bitterness comes up in the rear and leaves a dry, bitter aftertaste. Alcohol warms shortly after, leaving a spicy bitterness in the mouth. This is one of the most delicious beers i've ever had!
It comes in a 750 ml. black ceramic bottle, and packs a staggering 9.5% alcohol by volume. As far as I know it's only available at The Bayou. Be sure and bring pleanty of pennys it. It'll run you about $24.

Beer Poll Addendums

In response to Anonymous' "hell no" to the amber/pale category he/she is right. So, they are now they're own seperate categories. And since we're headed that way anyway, let's break up Hefs into German & American styles. There are not that many Belgium styles being made in the state. So, we will keep one category for all. Any other changes? Let me know. Feel free to adjust your picks according to the new categories.
I do have to disagree with Anonymous (you really need a nick). IPA Junior, is a great ale but it doesn't compare to Squatter's IPA and Uinta's Barleywine (espesially #10) walks all over Bigfoot.

------------------BEST BEER POLL---------------

National, international and regional beer competions happen almost monthly. We get the results and we get to see how our local brews stack up against brews from all over. But as far as I know there's never been a contest or poll, to rate how our local stuff does against one and other. So, I thought I'd throw it out there. What's your favorite local brew? Choose your single favorite from of one of these eight styles. Hefs, Pils, Amber/Pales, IPA, Dark Lagers, Porters, Stouts and Belgiums. I know we could break-down the styles even more, but we'll try to keep it simple. So, choose one local from the catagories above, then your one outstanding out-of-state favorite. In 30 days we'll tally 'em up. Who know, maybe one day we can put together an official best of state beer. Cheers!

After all, you know this guy (is a biggot)

This is the look of a bewildered man. A man that created one hell of a shit storm. A shit storm that has, with in a few days; circled the entire globe. Monday, I did my best trying to narrow the great chasm that seperates the State of Utah, from the rest of the world. Now... a brief explanation alcohol measurments in the great galactic scheme of things is a pretty small attemp, but this is a bloody, beer blog for christ sake! Anyway, all that was done. Has been; so easily, undone. From New York, to Sydney, to London People are talking about the freaky, little, Mormon city in the mountains, that has no tolerance for anything outside of it's Neo-Christian values. Thanks to uncle Larry's, Brokeback Mountain about-face. We are now that twisted, little kid from the neighboorhood; that nobody one wants to play with, because he pees all over everyones toys (you know who you are).
This whole mess could have been avoided, had Miller paid more attention, to what his theater was taking on, when he contracted with Focus Features and not aquired the film in the first place. And we wouldn't be wasting valuable beer blogging time on stupid shit like this. This is the same guy who's tv station: KJZZ cancelled it's affiliation with UPN Television, because it's programing was too "black" for our fair skinned community. Christ, I need a beer.

3.2%? I DON'T THINK SO...

If you were to asked to associate anything with the state of Utah, the first thing to come to mind would most likely be Mormons. Followed closely by Polygamy and then 3.2% beer. The first-two do in fact exist, but the latter is up to interpretation.

There are two ways to measure the alcohol content in a beverage. By weight or by volume. Most of the world measures the amount of alcohol in beer by volume. However in Utah, our regulators prefer that alcohol be measured by weight. Why? who the hell knows.

Anyway, if you were to measure our 3.2% (by weight) beer in the same fashion as everyone else (by volume), they're really 4.0% beers. This percentage is in many cases just slightly less than the average alcohol content of most mainstream beers.

The graphic above, (courtesy Uinta Brewing) simplifies it nicely. Compare a pint of Bud Light (4.2%abv) with; let's say... Bohemian Breweries Pilsner (4.0%abv) the difference is 0.2% difference or 2 oz. more per glass. Not much.

Draught Guinness, one of the worlds most beloved beers comes in at a whopping 4.2% abv. I'm not saying that Utah's beers run neck-n-neck (alcohol wise) with the rest of the worlds beers. But, they aren't as weak as you might think.

One more thing. These rules only apply to beers on tap or purchased outside of state run liquor stores. Uinta makes a fantastic barley wine that comes in annually at around 10.5% abv.

To be clear. There is no limit on the amount of alcohol a beer can have in Utah. It's just a matter of where you can purchase it (liquor stores). Class is over.

Cheers!

Go Yeast! Young Man

With the impending end of 05 quickly approaching; it's time to think, hangover cure. Well by-God, here's the one true remedy. Pour one 8oz. glass of orange juice and add one packet of brewers yeast. Ta-da! Now, it may not sound very palatable, but trust me the oj covers up the taste of the yeast just fine. Why yeast? you ask. Well, the yeast is full of vitamin B12. The consumption of alcohol reduces the amount of B12 in your body and that's why you get that lousy headache. Ergo, replace the B12 and presto! you got your game back. Another tip to help keep you on the happy side of life is to leave the liquor alone and stick with the micro brews. They're also chucked full of yeasty goodess. Happy New Year!!!